Andy Kerr

Andy is proud to be the long time security chief at the impressive SBG building in Burbank, California.

If you have not seen it, you should! It (the SBG building), is quite something! We call it California's Own Green Monster, with apologies to the denizens of Bean Town! You should see what's down there in the cool cellar!

A retired Police officer, Kerr is no stranger to the glitz of the gutter press. He once discovered 1,000,000,000 dollars hidden inside a tree in Vancouver's city park.

I was out early one morning, around six with my pig, Byron, in search of truffles. As I always say, "you never know until you try!" Although we didn't find a single morsel, to our surprise we did find a duffel bag full of cash, and then we found another and then three more! I ran to the road and coincidentally enough, two of my brother officers just happened to be driving by in a 4x4 which they had borrowed from a friend to go golfing in the park. Now, although the course doesn't open until 8:30 in the A.M., they wanted to be first in line. And they figured they'd better not put the clubs in the back seats of their cars because of the upholstery tearing, so they got that truck. So they could put the clubs in the back, where there IS no upholstery. In the back of the truck. Which they'd borrowed, to golf with.

Anyway, myself and my brother officers, we threw the bags of money into the back of the truck. Those bags were heavy and they landed with a crash, but don't worry! They didn't bend any of the golf clubs. Which is what the two officers were doing in the first place. We drove to a police station nearby, where luckily the desk sergeant there was a Poker Buddy of ours who was putting in a little overtime that day. Naturally we reported the money and it was put in the lost and found and when nobody claimed it in six months it was ours. I mean, mine.

Shortly after I left the force and moved down here. Sunny California! A few people have said my lucky find was no more than drug money laundering. A lie if ever I heard one! Just because I had got lucky six months before We, I mean, I found those Duffel bags when I found that gold bullion in that garbage can proves nothing. There's nothing TO prove!

Anyway I like it down here. I bought this building. I come down every day to keep an eye on it. Why only last week, I was poking around out back and found the Ark of the Covenant under a pile of old rags. I don't think there is a Coptic Church in Los Angeles so no one's claimed it. I'll wait the full six months and if no one turns up, my partner Mr. Darryl Gates and I get to keep it! Isn't that neat? Next week I'm going to Columbia with a couple of close friends from the CIA. We are going fishing there. A couple of poker playing buddies.

Andy Kerr would also like to thank Meadowlark Lemon, in a public forum such as this, for introducing him to Tom Holliston in the first place. Andy would also like to pay mention to his latest solo venture, A Tribute to Udo Dirkschneider in A Minor.