The Show Business Giants Story
Parts I, II and III

Show Business Giants softball team
Show Business Giants softball team

Part I
(As told to Tom Holliston)

Perhaps it's only conjecture, but Herman Melville, in a preface to one of his later plays, stated, " I date my life from my 25th year." As no one reads fiction anymore this may be particularly poignant. Therefore this band dates from Mr. Holliston's 25th year. I will not be more specific.

It's hardly his life anymore; anymore than it ever was mine, but inevitably where nothing is asked a question, they're most likely answered... or at least provided.

A Young, Handsome Grant Lawrence
A young handsome Grant Lawrence

This is all by the by, because ready-made answers to ready-made queries are much the better of the two. Doubting Thomases don't take my word for it! For, should you do? Well, there are any numbers of other sites. Some of them (apparently) are wont to preach to the converted. I can't think why - ergo cogito ex rictus, etc. Obviously, as the Quisling roared to the Stoolie, "You Must Pay Attention!"

Years! Oh, years ago... when still 'twixt teen and twenty' (which is also on record as the title of a Pat Boone parchment) and "LET ME STOP THIS RIGHT NOW BEFORE SOMEONE LOSES AN 'I', namely me". It was FORD PIER himself, to the man.

"Readers! The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of the others, who for the clarity of solipsists everywhere shall remain so."

HOLLISTON (hoists conch): "I am morally certain they are in fact exactly so. Has anyone else bothered sitting down and coming up with anything better? (quickly slips valise into bed) Good People...I rest my case."

Author's note: "Not that it won't be done in time, not after they see this." (WHEREBY A TERRIBLE FIGHT ENSUED...ASTERISKS WRESTED FROM THE MOST BITTER OF PEOPLE). No and again No! No more foot notes.

I offer the following suggestion, which I dug up somewhere. Dear reader, if unsatisfied by this account, write your own, and it shall be posted in due time. As the Pelican berated the Pure Finder "No Lie, Free Pie". You up there in the cheap seats... Pliny Herodotus Earl Warren Charlotte Tuchman, the pride of the Yankees. Come up with something, "History will prove me right, for I intend to write it", uttered the ink of Churchill. Some called him the Cassandra of Singapore. (Here everyone stops and looks mournful were looked)

SCOTT HENDERSON has a rash take: "That Inane Turkey Christo is constantinopally calling and harassing and harassing me. He wants to swath a holding of mine in tin foil, or some such like. He won't get near my Isle. Not atoll not at all but an isle for an aisle if I may usher this in". He then sat down and shortly thereafter, excused himself, saying, "Do you know of any unemployed martyrs? Sirs! I beg you to aid me in this nauseating quest of mine, you see... I am in the market for one. Naturally he or she must be willing to travail". He then made his exit by driving a backhoe through the wall... Yes, we were stupefied.

Scott Henderson and Tom Holliston in Las Vegas
Scott Henderson and Tom Holliston in Las Vegas

To return, "So...many summers ago. No, I take that back." Mr. Holliston (the Butcher) began, "Take the summers bit back. When I was in my small teens, I discovered not for me was it to traipse academe and her groves. To make a career one must careen. Is that pompous enough yet? No? You want more? " It was then he was led away.

TELEVISION WAS A BIG INFLUENZA ON THE SUBJECT'S WORLDVIEW. THE PHENOMENOM OF MINOR CELEBRITY REACHED ITS PEAK IN THE MIDDLE 70's AND DID NOT GO UNNOTICED. WHILE OTHERS WERE NURTURED BY CHANNELING, ROLPHING OR WATCHING PAINT DRY, MR. TOM HOLLISTON WAS WEENED FROM INCIPIENT CRASSNESS WITH THE HAUNTING HARK OF THE LOON. HIS CLAIM MANY PEOPLE HAVE THEIR HEADS UP THEIR ASSES WENT UNHEEDED IN SOME QUARTERS.

There were groups like The Drop Outs, The Marubis, The Big F. None of these came to anything. Pat Bay and The Malahats played one and a half shows. The group named itself after a popular labour camp in hometown Victoria, BC, which is like any other hometown. At the bands final rehearsal, Tom and John Lyle covered the floor with plastic, lay down, poured the contents of one dozen beers upon their persons and rolled around in the hoppy chop.

JOHN WRIGHT: Hah!

FORD PIER: The greasy sheen of career fostering like the crow scrape arrangement of an errant bra strap before the withering gaze of betters can and will lack panache. You can't afford me.

Thus, for us, ends the first part

Part II
(as suggested to Tom Holliston)

This might be a dull section you'll want to skip over. It is a listing of the SBG gigs to date. There is not much to look at so your patience will be rewarded.

1989

1990

1991

That's the end of this installment of the History lesson. Look for more to follow. Namely more, though fewer, shows 1992-1995.

Part III
(as told to Cyrus of Persia)

The setting: Still Victoria - It remains the same until late fall. In January some recording is done at the Rat's Nest, where Fig was recorded. NMN rehearsed here. There were shows in the basement at times. DRI played once, The Amazing Rhythm Aces did not. While recording, a documentary was made for cable TV in Victoria. Lots of folks saw it. This spate of sudden popularity rocketed to Jennye Rieper's collarbone, but Oh! Fame how fleeting! It just as quickly dissipated ere it went to her head. Ken Kempster, after recording 5 songs in 3 days, laid to rest his drumsticks and briefly went to work for his Uncle, strangling new born kittens.

1992

1993

1994

1995

Joey Shithead
Joey Shithead

Virgin Records wanted us to do a video. O.K. Originally they said they wanted to do one of the song Soundcheck, and have one of us look like Dee Snyder of Twisted Sister. This idea was nixed immediately. Our own plans were not encouraged. Most suggestions were met with worried statements about "Production Values". DOA made a video with the fellow who was maybe going to do ours. It was full of production values. SBG was only one of the pieces of spaghetti Virgin threw at the wall that didn't stick. DOA was another. They are nice people who will buy you dinner. We were given an advance which paid for the recording costs and more.

Scott Henderson wrote the theme music for the Keflavik Summer Olympics. Sadly there weren't any Summer Olympics in 1995 so he took a job with Ken Kempster's Uncle Ryan, who had expanded his business of feline flagellation. Scott became a dab hand with the sprocket grinder in next to no time.

John Wright nearly became Joan Wright, but a last minute change of mind put paid to it. An profound example of Mind over Matter. Instead he constructed a massive styrofoam Dagwood Sandwich for the neighbourhood' kids to play in.

Ford Pier published the landmark Digitalis vs.Analogous: The Coming Tape Worm Tide. A book so controversial and hotly debated it spawned an entirely new PUBLISHING INDUSTRY devoted exclusively to copycat literature pertaining about worms. An amatuer fishing enthusiast was so inspired by a plastic mug brimming with night crawlers the Where's Waldo craze began.

Tom Holliston became a dishonest Herbalist and is currently serving thyme.

NOW YOU KNOW.
end of part three...

Howard Zinn is currently researching the missing years of 1996-present and will present a "Peoples History of the Show Business Giants", time permitting.